The Real Deal
by xXx Fantasy xXx
Summary: Sure you THINK they're this or that. But what are they REALLY like? When nobody's watching, thing's get a little crazy.....
1. Naruto

**A/N: Yeah, I know, I've never really finished a story, but I really wanna write this one! This time I WILL go past one chapter. You'd better believe it!**

**Oh, and I'll be updating _Nothing but Random_ soon, since I'm almost done with the 2nd chap. And I was going to update _Craziness in the Hidden Leaf Village _but my com broke down in May. I got a new com but it didn't have all of my old files, of course, so I have to rewrite it. I'm so happy my internet is back!!! You should be happy too. You are, aren't you?**

**……AREN"T YOU!!!!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Period. End of Story. (Not this one, DUH!!)**

**Summary: Sure, you THINK they're this or that. But what are they REALLY like? When nobody's watching, thing's get a little crazy……**

**By the way…..**

_Blah – thinking_

_**Blah – the person's inner self**_

Blah – normal (talking, etc.)

* * *

**THE REAL DEAL**

Chapter 1 – Naruto

"See ya, Sakura!" Naruto yelled as he started to head home after training.

"Yeah, whatever," Sakura replied.

Naruto, ignoring the reply, ran home. He slammed the door of his room shut and sat on the floor. Sighing, the blonde cupped his hands under his chin.

_I'm bored….._

_**Bored already? You just got home…**_

_Yeah, I know._

_**But then how are you bored? You could be plotting your domination of the world!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!**_

_That's just the point._

_**Whaddya mean?**_

_I'm tired of plotting world domination. I've worked on that for 2 weeks (with no luck)._

_**Then how 'bout……**_

_And I've already raided Sakura's closet, laughed at a picture of gaara from the Halloween party for 2 hours straight, planned my wedding day, replanned it…._

…_**you're 13….**_

_Hmm? What did you say?_

_**Uhh, well….who're you planning to marry?**_

_At first it was Sakura, but then I changed my mind. Hinata is sooo hot!_

_**HINATA?!**_

_Hey you didn't see her half naked through her bedroom window. Did you know she's got nice boobs?_

_**Oi! Time out! You crazy? Shy little Hinata?**_

_Mmm-hmm. Here, check out my wedding day plan._

His plan

1. Ceremony, blah, blah, blah

2. Kiss Hinata

3. Drink and eat

4. Dance

5. Kiss

6. Leave everyone and kiss again

7. Honeymoon (lots of kissing)

8. (You don't want to know)

Naruto, leaving his inner self speechless, laid down on his back and stared at a picture of Hinata that had randomly appeared. Then he started making out with it.

**--Outside--**

"Ooooh, this is great!" exclaimed a mysterious figure, quietly.

The mysterious figure snapped pictures of Naruto through his window. He (yes, it's a 'he') snickered evilly.

**--back inside--**

_**Hey, dumbass! Stop snogging that picture and go get your mail!!**_

_Don't go British on me!_

_**Just do it!**_

_Okay, okay, I'm going. G'bye my sweet Hinata! _

Naruto picked up his mail and starting looking through it. "Junk, junk, junk, junk, oooh! Fancy junk! …more junk, junk, junk, a letter from Sakura…"

_**That said 'Secret Admirer' not 'Sakura', you illiterate, stupid….!**_

_Tsk, tsk! Let's not waste our time blabbering like a bunhk of……_"What?! Secret Admirer?!?!"

_**Took ya long enough. Did I mention you were stupid?**_

He went digging through the pile of mail he had created on the floor and found the letter he was looking for. He opened it and read:

_Dear Baka,_

_I love you. Yeah. Here is a crappy poem to show my affection._

_Your eyes are like stars._

_Your smile is like a star._

_Your skin is like a star._

_You move like I will when I beat the crap out of Itachi. Yeah._

_THE END_

_Love, Your Secret Admirer_

"...I know who it is."

_**Yeah, it's quite obvious. And really weird.**_

"It's Hinata! She's finally realized her love for me! Wheee!"

He ran off, somehow leaving his inner self behind.

_**HINATA?! AGAIN WITH THE HINATA!! YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT! IT'S NOT HINATA!! COME BACK HERE YOU….!!!!!!**_

Little did Naruto know, it was someone quite different. And, little did he know, Hinata had loved him for many years before and was making it quite obvious but naruto was too oblivious to notice.

--Outside--

The mysterious figure ran away from Naruto's house. "Who will my next victim be….heehee…!"


	2. Orochimaru and Kabuto

A/N: Oreo is next. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Excuse me while I laugh evilly.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Okay, I'm done laughing. Now it's time to make Oreo pay for being so darn evil!

BTW, I like saying touché for some reason. I've decided that Kabuto will say touché a lot. Or Oreo. I dunno. Also, I like role-playing in my disclaimers. They end up being long . . .

-----------------------------

DISCLAIMER:

Me: GET IN HERE YOU…..[pulling Oreo in

Oreo: NOOOOO I DON'T WANT TO DO IT[clinging to the wall

Me: WELL I'M MAKING YOU[finally drags him into room

Oreo[sits down, crosses his arms, and pouts You can't make me.

Me[in an eerie voice I know you're secret……

Oreo: Hah! Yeah Right!

Me: Naruto……

Oreo: Naruto?! Where?!

[A giant picture of Naruto appears

Me: Interesting…

Oreo: ……..AHHHHHHHHHH! IT'S THE HARBINGER OF EVIL COME TO WRECK MY PEACEFUL EXISTENCE!! (A/N: That line was from _Kamichama Karin 1_. It's a manga.)

Me: Dimwit. That's a picture.

Oreo: ...I knew that. I soooo knew that. In fact, I knew it so well that I knew it before it even appeared. Before I even came in here.

Me: Uhh, yeah right…..And how is that possible?

Oreo: ESP, my friend. ESP.

Me: Just get this darn disclaimer over with or I'll make you eat zuchinni for the rest of this story.

Oreo[shuddering Zu……chinni……..gross…..slimy….

Me: Like your tongue.

Oreo: Okay, I'll do it. She does not own Naruto.

Me: Cool. By the way……

[another picture of Naruto appears right in front of Oreo

Oreo: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! THEY LIED!!! THEY SAID GETTING A TONGUE EXTENSION (?????) WOULD WARD AWAY EVIL!!!!

Me: It's enough to make ME puke.

Oreo[waving his tongue around, ignoring my reply BUT IT DOESN'T!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Me[pukes Okay, guys, you can put away that picture now…..(before I puke again at the sight of his disgusting, slimy tongue)….

[picture disappears

Oreo: …..It went away. The tongue DOES work!! YAY[walks out of the room

Me[sighs And somehow he fails to notice the sign over the door that says "Entering a Naruto Shrine" in big bold, red letters.

Oreo[in the other room AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Me: Oh well. This disclaimer is getting too long. And I've already got my revenge on Oreo. Well…..for the most part. On with the show!!!!!! (Oh and, BTW, I'll be mentioning Pokemon somewhere in here I think. Maybe. I'm not sure yet. I don't own that either.)

-----------------------------

Chapter 2 - Orochimaru (and Kabuto)

"Hey, Oreo-sama!!" Kabuto called.

"What is it?!?!" Orochimaru yelled. "And DON'T call ME Oreo!!! I do NOT have a cream filled center!!!"

"Oh you're so white you could pass as cream."

"But what about the brown cookies squashing the cream!?"

"Well, you did get squashed between those two brown tables in the dining room yesterday. Does that count?."

"I have a dining room?"

"Yeah. Y'know, the place where we eat dinner."

"I don't call that a dining room. I call it my EVIL ROOM OF DOOM!! Which I just happen to eat in."

"You call every room your evil room of doom."

"Well you call all of your stuffed animals Bob. "

"Touché."

Orochimaru walked into his room with Kabuto on his tail.

"…Wow, Oreo-sama. I didn't know your room would be so…..soooooo…"

Orochimaru sighed. "…so pink? Yeah, I get that a lot. But I do NOT like pink!" He flipped his light switch and then…..

…the walls flipped and…

…the room turned into a Pokemon shrine.

Kabuto gasped. "WOW! A SUPER SIZED MODEL OF PIKACHU!!!"

"Uh-huh. I got it at Toys R Us. It was a great bargain."

"IT WAS 100 DOLLARS LAST TIME I SAW IT!! How much was it?"

" Oh dear, I believe I forgot to pay for it…"

"…you're still doing that?"

"Uh-huh."

"Hmm, figures. OH WOW, A BLAZIKEN PLUSHIE!! HOW MUCH WAS THAT?!"

"Nothing."

"Did you steal it?"

"Nope."

"Then how…!"

"It's amazing what you can do with a knife and a slimy, scary tongue."

"…"

"By that I mean what you can do to the cashier."

"…oh…ok. Let's play video games."

So of course they did. A Pokémon game, to be exact. Duh.

And they left Orochimaru's room and went to the EVIL ROOM OF DOOM! Whichever room that was.

--outside--

"Hehehe," a mysterious figure laughed, rubbing his hands together. "I finally got him."

The mysterious figure looked around carefully. "I should get going and find someone else to spy on. Then I'll meet the others." So, with that, he leapt away.

---------------------------

Haha! Betcha didn't know there was more than one mysterious figure! But how may? You'll find out!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Oreo still hasn't figured out that I'm watching him.


End file.
